On the ideal man…
Is he old? Has he got a fringe?
I’m not interested then.
On Dr. Who
I don’t watch it, i’m not a virgin!
On Ben’s Wife (again)…
If I was a man, i’d SMASH ‘ER!
On Ben (again)…
If I was a man, yeah, i’d steal Ben’s Wife.
On Ben…
If people just punched Ben and called him fat, it would bring more joy than any Christmas present.
On homeless people…
Me: Do you know how many homeless people there are in Birmingham?
Her: YEAH! I have to step over them everyday on my way to Sainsbury’s.
On Irish People…
You know how Irish people are all really good at football, well it’s because they eat loads of potatoes.
On the universe…
‘I don’t think we’re the only beings in the universe.’
‘Well of course not, there are penguins and tigers.’
If I was a man, I would smash that.
On girlfriends…
‘Who is that? It looks so much like a guy I know’
‘That’s my girlfriend’
